As an individual not just familiar with cannabis, but cannabis culture as well, I’m sure you’ve come across dabbing. Also known as wax and my personal favorite, shatter, because of what it does to your brain. Personally, I don’t understand the desire. Hey, I like to get high as much as the next guy, maybe even more, but dabbing just seems like overkill. Call it the Four Loko of ganja. You don’t just get high, you get shattered. You lose all capacity to communicate. You’re a weed zombie, so high that whatever is happening outside your house is just too damn frightening to comprehend. You get the point, we’ve all been there (mine was from a 1000mg Korova brownie) and most of us never want to go back. My personal mantra has always been, “You can always take more, but once you go there, you can’t take less", which has saved me from about a million panic attacks. But with dabbing there isn’t “more.” The whole idea is more. And thus there is no less. But as my old friend Hunter S. Thompson used to say, “You bought the ticket, so take the ride.” That said, he certainly didn’t encourage you to film yourself thinking you’re a hamster and putting that video on YouTube. But hey, if you think that’s a smart idea, you and I don’t have a lot to talk about anyway. So without further ado, here are five individuals who filmed themselves in a mild state of psychosis after dabbing.
1. World Record Dabbers: These seem more like “self-proclaimed world records”, because I don’t think a representative of Guinness Book of World Records was there to officiate. Our first record setter took down 31 grams of Goo in one sitting. One man worked the frightening butane torches, while another dabbed the dude's head with a towel.
Filmed this April, this athlete took down 35 grams of shatter in one sitting. In either case, it’s a staggering amount for one individual, especially when there’s no award on the line, including a free steak if you finish or your picture on the wall. Just you, smoking and coughing for 14 minutes. I wish we could’ve seen the aftermath of both. But all we get is the performance. Congratulation guys, you’ve both broken non-existent records to be watched in perpetuity by everyone you know.
2. TIMBER! Not much to analyze here. Just sit back and watch hilarity ensue. I hope this man walked to the dispensary, if he gets up.
3. “I feel like a baked potato.” This comes courtesy of “Nate420,” who besides, “staying baked,” considers himself a YouTube, “content creator”. He’s growing as a creator, which he celebrated when he hit 100,000 followers by honoring them with full gram of shatter. The fact that he considers this a big deal, makes those "World Record Dabbers'" 31 and 35 gram sessions absolutely ridiculous. What I love is his attempt to stay professional. I’d be worried about what my Mom would say, but she’s in two of his videos hotboxing the car. I have no idea what kind of dough he’s pulling in, but between his e-commerce, his sub level, and views, he must be pulling in $50-70k a year. Think about that for a second the next time you’re still at work at 8 p.m. on a Friday filling out TPS reports. Hey what can you do?
4. “What The F*** is Going On?” This young man asks while making dirt angels and talking gibberish. It’s all a part of his buddy’s, “Kill A Friend Day?”, which he nearly accomplishes, or at least destroys most of his buddy’s cerebral cortex. Good work fellas, you proved my point.
5. “Just Say No.” Every week this genius lets Instagram decide how much he should smoke. This week, their decree, 2.7 grams. What I love about this video is that with different music, it could be used for a, “This is your brain on drugs" video. There is absolutely nothing pleasant going on here, unless you like being drenched in sweat while your friends scream at you. My big question is, don’t these guys work or go to school or anything? They all seem to have a significant amount of time to film themselves getting ridiculously high.
Seems much more intimidating than smoking weed. There’s a lot of stuff involved — compared to just flicking a lighter over a glass pipe, dabbing can feel like prepping for surgery at times. Torches, dabbers, nails, carb caps… it’s enough to make a newbie just skip it entirely and go buy an overpriced $60 vape cartridge to scratch their concentrate itch. Don’t let this be you!