The Stoner Mom is a blog about the experiences of a young mother and cannabis consumer. She wants to break stereotypical notions of marijuana users, and show that they can be responsible, engaged parents. She talks about how it helped make her a happier person and a better mom. We recently caught up with The Stoner Mom, and she told us about her blog, and life as a parent and outspoken cannabis consumer.
You’ve been on an incredible journey of self-discovery to get to this point. What were the main turning points for you? How did you learn from them to get to where you are now?
Having children taught me that I am mortal, and that I only have one shot at life.
Therapy taught me why I do the things and I do, and how to use that why to manage my life effectively.
A failed first marriage taught me exactly what I want in the next one.
In my late twenties, I experienced some personal revelations that changed and shaped the way I look at the world and my role in it. Sort of like a spiritual awakening or something, only my awakening was the realization that it is my right, and mine alone, to live my one life, the way I choose to live it.
It sounds really trivial to say, but that simple mantra really helps me So there was that, and also divorce, obviously becoming a mother, renouncing my religion, finding my husband David, building thestonermom.com. All these things brought light to the fact that I control my position in life, and no one else.
How has cannabis played a role in shaping the person you are today? How would you describe your love of the flower?
Since I added cannabis to my self-care routine I have become "more" of the things I like about myself. Having medication that calms my nerves, relaxes my mind, regulates my sleep, enhances my senses and alleviates my pains not only makes me a happier, calmer and more present person, and also make me a far more patient and understanding mom.
And when I say that I don't mean, "when I'm high I am a better mom." What I really am referring to is the overall peace that regular marijuana users experience, something that you don't necessarily have to be high to feel. Regular marijuana users rarely get "high" in the sense that recreational users might think. For regular medical patients, marijuana just alleviates our various symptoms and encourages deeper, more introspective thought.
What was the general reaction when you “came out of the cannabis closet” as a parent?
Shock. I had built a reputation on being one of those "perfect" parents and more almost everyone that originally contacted me said something along the lines of "I had NO idea!!" I didn't lose any friends or have any drama whatsoever when I came out.
What were some of the craziest comments or feedback you received?
The only weird or negative feedback I have experienced as The Stoner Mom has just been trolls on YouTube. It's usually either something about how I am "always high" (actually, as a regular user I am rarely high) or it's something about my looks. And it's usually written in such a away that indicates the person is either underaged or not the sharpest tool in the shed.
How do you talk to your kids about cannabis use?
My oldest is 10 and I talk to her honestly about what marijuana is and why I use it. She knows it is no different from the pills I take at night that keep me mentally healthy and functioning.
To be honest, coming out to my kids about depression was way harder than coming out about cannabis. They were more concerned about mom being depressed then the mysterious substance mom uses when they aren't around.
What’s your advice to other moms (and dads) who are still “in the closet”? How can they begin the journey towards living more authentically?
First advice is, it feels weird and even wrong to talk to your kids truthfully about cannabis because that's what we were taught in school and at home. Moms and Dads of today need to realize that this is our time, our generation, and we don't have to parent our children the way our parents parented us.
It's like car-seats. For awhile we didn't have them. Then they came out and people thought they were dangerous. Now they are the standard. Marijuana legalization and the de-stigmatizing of cannabis users isn't going to stop anytime soon. It's not going to suddenly reverse, so parents can feel a little more comfortable bringing up pot in casual conversation.
How would you describe the key differences between the typical experience of a “stoner mom” vs. a “stoner dad”?
I think when someone thinks "stoner dad" the perception is a "loser" dad. Perhaps unemployed, definitely hangs out on the couch, eats all the snacks, and possesses a laid back attitude that borders on negligent.
I believe that "stoner mom" has a cleaner slate, ie there is no collective visual representation of one. We tried with Nancy from Weeds but I think that was a pretty one-dimensional (and unrealistic) depiction of a woman with children who uses marijuana.
Men are far far far more likely to not only use cannabis but to admit to using cannabis. Men partaking in marijuana use is far more socially acceptable than women. Stoner Mom's face a much tougher stigma, as the idea of the maternal figure using illegal drugs is tantamount to neglect. Never mind if the mother has cystic fibrosis or MS or cancer or any of the multitude of things that cannabis treats.