Puff Puff Yass: Since I Don’t Have a Vagina, I Got Creative Using a Vaginal THC-Infused Lube

Weed and sex have always been like two peas in a pod for me. They go together, like gin and tonic. Sex just feels better when I’m high. I find my skin responding stronger to touch and my orgasms being way more intense. But if I’m being completely honest, I’ve found myself in a bit of a plateau when it comes to incorporating cannabis into my sex life. Even with all the various cannabis products out there that supposedly enhance sex, nothing has felt half as good as smoking a joint, dropping my undies, and getting it on.

I’ve tried chocolate edibles that were meant to improve sex, along with a CBD suppository. Neither came close to affecting me like a good ol’ fashion bong hit right before sex. I hoped lube would change that, but I was skeptical.

First I tried two different lubes, both of which contained CBD, but not THC. I used the entire bottle of the first one. While that sounds like a lot, it’s not. I’ve noticed that oil-based products containing cannabis tend to come in smaller sizes (for reference, the bottle of CBD lube was 50 milliliters, or roughly 1.6 ounces, in contrast to the 16-ounce tub of Gun Oil I have sitting on my nightstand).

I've used it in all kinds of positions, and so too have the various men who entered my boudoir. If they consented to using the CBD lube, I wasn’t like — “Surprise bitch! You put cannabis in your hole!” — but I’d ask after sex if they noticed whether anything felt different with the lube. While they always said I was the best they ever had (okay, maybe not those exact words), they doubt it had anything to do with the CBD lube. I also didn’t notice anything.

But since that was all a few months ago, and I wasn’t thinking about it back then in terms of writing an article, I got a second bottle of CBD lube from another company. While I haven’t tried it for sex, I did masturbate with it, applying it generously to both my penis and inside my butt.

Still, nada.

Right as I was ready to give up, my bestie, Sophie Saint Thomas, a weed-and-sex expert who writes a mind-blowing column about just that, recommended I try lube with THC. She told me that it wasn’t a big surprise that I didn’t feel anything with CBD, but she thought there was still a decent chance that I’d get some extra pleasure from THC-infused lube.

So I decided to give Quim Night Moves’ lube a try. As their name might suggest, Quim markets all their products as being for vaginas, and Night Moves in particular is “specifically designed to intensify sensation, increase libido, and serve as a proactive vaginal health supplement.”

Even so, I figured anything you can put in your vagina you can also put in your but. (FYI, I am definitely not a doctor, and I do not know if this is true, so for the love of god, be careful what you’re putting up there.)

The 50 milliliter bottle contains 274 milligrams of THC with a recommended dose of 8 to 10 pumps. Depending on how much you’re applying, I’d say you’re getting anywhere between 5 and 20 milligrams of THC per sexual session.

I decided to use the lube liberally. I used 15 pumps on my penis, and then 10 pumps on my fingers (which I used to digitally stimulate my behind), and then 5 pumps directly on the my actual hole.

Per instructions on the bottle, I applied “20 minutes before play time, game time, or you time" — during which I half-heartedly played with myself while watching American Dad! on half my laptop screen and porn on the other half. (You can and should judge me.) Around 12 to 13 minutes after applying the lube to my behind, I felt a tingly sensation emanating from inside me. It felt like a heat was emerging. It’s a tough feeling to describe — almost as ineffable as describing an orgasm to someone who's never had one. Calling it a pleasurable release doesn’t translate to anyone who’s never experienced it. But what I can say, is that Quim lube felt really good, which is why I suggest you try it out on your own.

At this point I turned off American Dad! and continued watching the plot-heavy porn where a male therapist is helping his patient realize that “Ya know? You sound like you connect better with men than women.”

After exactly 20 minutes, I began pleasuring myself – both my front and backside. It’s like, I got two hands here, might as well use ‘em both simultaneously. The lube on my frontside didn’t feel any different than regular lube, but the lube on my backside had “peaked” so to speak. I clearly was feeling the full effect. So I let go of my penis, and instead focused on getting my fingers deeper inside of me. Then I did something that I’d never done before: I came without touching my dick. (While there are some bottoms who can do that, I've always needed at least a little pressure applied to my penis to finally orgasm — but not this time.)

I nearly lost my mind.

When I pulled out my hand, I noticed that the entire room smelled of tea tree oil, which was such a little treat. We all know that anal sex can sometimes get a little, um… pungent. This would definitely help mask any minor odors. In my experience, lubes that are purposefully scented tend to smell either too manufactured or overly saccharine. Since Quim lube wasn’t developed purposefully to have a scent, and it was just an awesome byproduct, it smelled natural. Also, after a Google search, it seems like tea tree oil is known to help with anal fissures and hemorrhoids. So while he’s tearing you up, the tea tree oil is helping mend those delightfully painful tears. It’s like chugging a glass of water in between Long Island iced teas, or what I simply call, adulting.

With that said, if you’re looking for a cannabis product to spice up your sex life other than the typical methods of smoking or vaping, I highly recommend you try Quim. Besides, it’s only $46. Your tush will thank you.  

Latest.

Because it has been illegal or stigmatized for decades, the body of cannabis research available is, in many ways, incomplete. But Canada’s federal government is taking advantage of the country’s status as the only G7 country to have legalized marijuana and addressing that issue. It was announced yesterday that nearly 25 million dollars will be used to fund cannabis research in Canada.

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