Given that the Emmys - one of the biggest, celeb-packed extravaganzas of the year - aired last night, you might've expected the Twitterverse to be awash with pics from the red carpet. Instead, Twitter's “trending” list was dominated by Mario Kart, Stormy Daniels and Donald Trump.
Before we get into why that was, we’re going to give you a chance to turn back. Trust us, you’re better off not knowing. If you scroll any further, you'll never be able to look at this beloved Nintendo character the same way again.
You're absolutely sure you want to continue? Don't say we didn't warn you...
Alright, since you really want to know, it turns out that Toad is basically the doppelgänger for Donald Trump's penis, according to Stormy Daniels.
"He knows he has an unusual penis," Daniels - the porn star who allegedly had an affair with Trump - wrote in her new tell-all book 'Full Disclosure.' "It has a huge mushroom head. Like a toadstool," she added.
In case she wasn’t being clear enough, she doubled down on this analogy, confirming that she was, in fact, talking about the popular video game avatar.
"I lay there, annoyed that I was getting fucked by a guy with Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in Mario Kart." And in case that sounded like a compliment to you, Daniels stressed that the sex was not good. Which isn't surprising. As gamers well know, the mushroom power-up does make you go faster.
"It may have been the least impressive sex I’d ever had, but clearly, he didn’t share that opinion."
She also said that Trump’s penis is "smaller than average" but "not freakishly small." In other words, similar to the crowds at his inauguration.
We know, we know. It’s kind of a cheap shot, and it really isn’t right to body shame anyone, even the President. After all, it doesn’t say anything about his policies...but, like, come on. The Toad comparison is just too colorful to ignore. Now let’s-a-go throw up.
(h/t The Guardian)