Attorney General Jeff Sessions is no fan of marijuana. That may actually be the biggest understatement of the century. He’s perhaps America’s biggest anti-cannabis crusader who seems like he’s spent his entire adult life trying to become Attorney General just so he could wage war against pot.
But what is that Sessions hates most about marijuana? There’s really no way of knowing. But if we had to take a guess, we think these 10 marijuana strains are part of the reason he hates it so much.
10. Obama Kush
Perhaps Sessions is offended that there’s a marijuana strain named after the former president and not after himself. Maybe if someone named a strain after Sessions, he’d be so honored he’d not only stop attacking marijuana, but he’d work to get it legalized nationwide!
9 . Elf Snack
Many people have noted that Sessions looks like the Keebler Elf. We’re guessing he’s very sensitive about the issue, and would not approve of any marijuana strains that remind him of his elf-ish features.
8. Girl Scout Cookies
Sessions seems like the type of person who would accidentally order this marijuana strain thinking he was going to be getting a couple boxes of Thin Mints and instead end up with a couple mason jars filled with bud.
7. Hog’s Breath
Considering Sessions grew up in Alabama and his father sold farm equipment, we’re guessing he’s pretty familiar with the sights and smells of rural life. Perhaps Hog’s Breath would tantalize him and seduce him to try cannabis to see if the strain actually reminds him of the smell of a pig.
6. Kali Mist
Sessions probably doesn’t care about going after marijuana because he thinks all stoners are also slackers. Why should he worry about a group of people who are going to sit on their couch eating Doritos all day? Unfortunately the Kali Mist strain is known to give users a burst of energy as well as some creative inspiration. That energy and creativity could be used to create a pro-marijuana ad campaign that could destroy Sessions once and for all!
5. Pineapple Express
Sessions would hate this strain not out of any aspect about Pineapple Express itself, but rather that it shares its name with a movie that glorifies the use of cannabis!
Sessions has often said that he does not believe marijuana has any medical benefits. Perhaps he should look into the Harlequin strain, which is known for its low THC content and high CBD content, and is known to help treat anything from chronic pain to stress to inflammation.
3. Blue Dream
Considering he grew up in Alabama and is a lifelong Republican, we’re guessing Sessions has an innate aversion to all things “Blue” because it reminds him of those gosh-darn Democrats! So a marijuana strain invoking the color of his political enemies would be too much to bear!
2. Laughing Buddha
In 2016, Sessions said that, “Good people don’t smoke marijuana,” and has said that cannabis use leads to criminal behavior. Well, Sessions better not watch someone smoking the Laughing Buddha strain, because the only crime he’d witness is too much laughing at unfunny jokes. They’d probably be the most pleasant people he’s ever been around in awhile, considering how much time he has to spend in the Trump White House.
1. Chong Star
Considering his hatred for marijuana, Sessions probably thinks Cheech and Chong belong at the top of the FBI’s Most Wanted list for their promotion of this dangerous drug. So he’d be horrified to learn that there’s an actual strain named after his mortal enemy, Tommy Chong.
Photo credit: Gage Skidmore