John Oliver’s Labor Day Resolutions

John Oliver and the rest of the Last Week Tonight crew are off for the holiday this week. But they’ve left us a special web exclusive to celebrate Labor Day. And to make this day off count, consider adopting some of the Labor Day resolutions that Oliver recommends.

“We are all familiar with the rule that you shouldn’t wear white after Labor Day,” Oliver said. “There are some things that after this Labor Day, we should stop doing. And then never do again. For instance, let’s stop saying ‘that’s interesting’ when we mean ‘that is not interesting.’ From now on, when someone tells you a boring story, simply say ‘bless you’ like you were just sneezed on. Because that is what hearing about someone’s travel delay feels like.”

And he had some suggestions for other holidays too.

“But honestly, we should be using more holidays as arbitrary points to stop doing things. For instance, we should have a rule that after Thanksgiving, you have to stop decorating your home with gourds. It’s cute in October, it’s acceptable but obnoxiously folksy in November. But after that, you’re just keeping loose produce lying around. It’s no better than adorning your front porch with a bunch of watermelons and carrot sticks.”

For more resolutions, check out the clip.

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After a battery of tests and misdiagnoses, I was finally diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease twelve years ago, and thus began a long battle with trial-and-error medical treatments. I changed my diet several times, even though my doctors didn’t seem confident it would change much (it didn’t), went to physical therapy for pain-related issues, and took so many different pharmaceuticals I can’t even begin to recall each and every one. My days were foggy due to side effects from pharmaceuticals, such as steroids, that made me feel worse than I did before I even took them.

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