John Oliver Bids A Fowl Farewell To Migrating Birds

If you're a northern American who feels irritated about birds heading for warming climates while you have to stick out winter, you're not alone. In his latest segment for Last Week Tonight, John Oliver flipped off the birds, telling them exactly what's been on our minds for years.

"As the weather cools down, birds are going to start their seasonal migration," Oliver said before launching into a tirade. "Which is of course when they travel to warmer climates in order to feed grow and attract a mate. It's their version of Eat, Pray, Love except birds are too dumb to realize that everything they needed was inside them the whole time."

But birds weren't getting any love from Oliver last night. He tore into his fair-weather friends like a wind turbine. "I have a brief message for the birds of the northeast as they begin their journey southward. Are you listening, birds? Here it goes. Fuck you, birds. Fuck you. I hope you never come back. To me, every single bird is just a shitty sequel to the dinosaurs. And we'd be better off without you."

He also had some choice words for a few specific species. "Fuck you, swans and pelicans. You both look like monsters from a fish's nightmare that came to life. And as for hummingbirds, you're just obese bees in need of a nose job." 

Check out the full clip for Oliver's roast of ostriches, parrots and geese.

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I've been covering cannabis for nearly five years, and by now I'm all too accustomed to the impersonal cannabis conference at a stuffy, generic hotel or expo hall, brimming with white guys in suits, and generally lacking in the spirit of well, cannabis. (The woes of legalization, I suppose.) So it was a breath of fresh air when I walked into what felt like a giant atrium in downtown LA for a new kind of cannabis conference. Located in what's called the Valentine Grass Room in an industrial area past the hustle and bustle of the DTLA skyscrapers, Microscopes & Machines (M&M) boasted a diverse array of speakers, from doctors and lawyers to chemists and cultivators on the frontlines of the cannabis industry.

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