If your parents ever caught you smoking pot as a teenager, you should thank them for not taking Gene Simmons' approach to punishing potheads. No matter how long you were grounded, or how much allowance you lost, your punishment couldn't have been worse than what the lizard-tongued bassist of KISS had in store if his kids got busted with a joint. In a recent interview with Rolling Stone, Simmons said the penalty for breaking his parental "commandments" against drinking and drugs was exile and forced labor.
Simmons said he told his kids, "I don't expect much from you, but what I do expect, you will deliver, or else. One is, you're not allowed to get high or get drunk or smoke cigarettes – can't do that. If you want to, I want to have a discussion. And tell me before, don't tell me after. If you transgress, if you go against my commandments, you will find yourself in a desert camp digging holes, written out of the estate and the will."
And to make the punishment really sting, you just know he'd make them dig those holes with a KISS-branded shovel, and that they'd receive notice of being legally disowned on KISS stationery.
Simmons' hardline stance against recreational vices might seem surprising since rockers are known for leading hedonistic lifestyles. But he says he's never had a puff or tasted a drop of alcohol.
"I may have a chemical advantage," he explained. "As soon as I smell alcohol I want to throw up. I don't like the smell, the look, the culture, I find people who drink weak."
In other words, Simmons is basically the dad from that Twisted Sister video.
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