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The 5 Worst Ways to Consume Cannabis, Ranked

I’m not one of those smokers who has bumper sticker opinion’s about mine or anybody else’s pot use. To each his own I say. You want to waste the day binge watching Deep Space 9 in between hits from a three-footer, go for it. You ate half a cookie before work and now your so paranoid you try and sneak away without anyone seeing you, but you can’t because you’re the boss. Best of luck to ya. But here's a little word of advice. Keep 100% CBD Oil with you to help cancel out the effects of over indulgence. I’m not sure why that’s not more widely publicized but it will literally save you from hiding in your car at a concert stuck in the fetal position because whatever you ate is really, really strong. Again, to each their own. But there are a few methods that seem beyond the pale. Not because of some political reason, but because they are just plain stupid. Here are the five worst ways to get high, ranked.


5. Giant Six Foot Bongs: In college I had a six foot bong that I kept in a ski bag and was named after my grandfather. Dr. Lohman sent three people to the ER and countless others on some horrible trip. But for some reason we came back for more. This wasn’t good pot either, but huge bags of Mexican brick weed -- schwag -- in the parlance of the time and it never ran out. To use the thing required the smoker to stand on a chair while one person worked the flame and the other pulled the slide allowing six feet of thick charred smoke to make it up to your lungs which would then proceed to generate a coughing fit so strong it felt like your eyeballs were about to pop out of your head. After 20 minutes or so of coughing, you were stuck in a tiny dorm room with six dudes who are as high as you are or higher. Long story short: someone got so paranoid they called 911. Luckily, Dr. Lohman broke and we found new ways to injure our brains but this was by far the worst.

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4. LOL THC Infused Chocolate G-Bar 1000mg: This sucker packs 1000mg of THC into a single black bar. Let me put that in perspective for you: 20mg of an edible should knock you on your ass for hours. The LOL THC though, with its “unrivaled potency,” is 50 TIMES stronger. I made the rookie mistake at an outdoor music festival, thinking that the bar was a dud and kept shoving massive chunks into my mouth which pretty soon was half the bar. Well after two hours I discovered the bar had a really long fuse and I was suddenly in very big trouble. You try and convince yourself, “all I am is high, it’s going to wear off.” But it doesn’t, it just keeps getting stronger for hours and hours while you hide in the back of a VW bus rocking back and forth and missing most of the concert. I try to live by the motto, “you can always have more, but you can’t take less.” But in this case I was fooled by the time delay. Either be VERY careful or just steer clear all together.

K2 Spice

3. Spice/K2: If you’ve never had it, don’t do it, ever. And if you do, do it, stop immediately. Spice or K2 is synthetic marijuana that is supposed to mimic the marijuana high but instead acts more like a terrible cousin to PCP. Without hyperbole, it turns people into zombies. A few weeks ago Paramedics dealt with 72 overdoses in one park in one day. The only way to describe it is like Night of the Living Dead. If you live near a store that sells this stuff you’ll know it by the near constant crew of shuffling Zombies going in and out of the store.


2. Old School Dab Machinery: There’s something really wrong with dab freaks, especially when they’re using those Flux Capacitor looking, pieces of hardware that require two butane lighters to heat up all those bulbs and spikes and then plop in that nasty piece of wax. From what I can tell, horrible coughing fits ensue, people break out in sweats, and lose all capacity for speech. You are basically rendered comatose, only you're still aware of everything that's happening to you.


1. THC Suppositories: Yes that’s right. You shove the little bullet-shaped plug up your backside, wait 20 minutes and you are high off your ass (no pun intended) for up to eight hours. Apparently, everything in life is all about absorption levels. Taken orally you get 25% of the THC. But when taken up the back door that rate shoots up to 80%. Is that worth it? Do you really have that much trouble catching a buzz off of more traditional consumption methods? I don't know about you, but I have to be in dire straits before I consider lobbing something into my rear (see: Trainspotting). To each his own, but there are about a 1000 other ways I’d choose to get high. 


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