What parent hasn't snooped a bit once they realize their kid's trying to pull a fast one? Rifling through trash, scrolling through texts, maybe even flipping through a diary. All very bad. But all of that minor-league Sherlock Holmes stuff pales in comparison to calling in drug-sniffing dogs.
Yes, you heard that right. The Last Chance K9 Services, or TLC as they bill themselves, is one way to determine if someone's hiding a stash of weed (or worse) in their bedroom: literally hiring a drug-sniffing dog, and a team of military-trained handlers, to come search for contraband.
"With the extreme rise in organized terrorism plaguing our country and the world holistically, it was time to build a community-based defence system," writes TLC, which has headquarters in Louisville, KY and New Albany, IN, on their alarmingly militaristic website. "Extremism and narcotics are becoming an adversary like never before. It is time to fight back. It is time to surround the wolves - with a pack of our own."
TLC's so-called Worried Parent Program is, they say, "designed to help children and teenagers with drug issues (using or selling), to get a last chance to stop their behavior - without going to jail or receiving a charge."
They'll arrive at your home with drug-sniffing dogs, locate the narcotics, (if there are, in fact, any) "and also sit down with your loved one to 'Scare them Straight' and provide advice on where your child can sign up for therapy or counselling, if the problem is that in-depth."
TLC also sends dogs into schools
TLC then drops off the narcotics at the closest Law Enforcement department for proper disposal, without sharing where they came from with the police. In addition to home-delivering a dose of pants-shitting terror to your teenager, they also offer their contract services to schools, performing random gun, bomb, and drug-detection sniffs.
If all this seems a little extreme, TLC assures you it most certainly isn't.
"Do not be the parent that is willing to spend $99 on a new pair of shoes, but not on a safer future for your child. Let TLC K9 help stop this downward spiral from overcoming your child, your home, and our countries [sic] future."
Whether you think it's a crazily paranoid concept, or a vaguely brilliant one: let's just hope parents will try a little honest, calm conversation, and a healthy dose of factual drug education, before they release the hounds.