There are few pleasures in this world more fulfilling than a satisfying cuddle session — though I'll venture to say that smoking weed, and then cuddling, is among those few. That’s why it’s become my go-to pick-up line on Grindr, either when I slide into a thirst trap’s DMs, or after speaking with a cutie at the bar before putting my digits into his phone. If the guy likes cannabis, which is usually the case, then this pickup line werks.
As a 27-year-old queer man living in Brooklyn, I seldom come across someone who doesn't smoke weed — it seems, to me, nearly every other gay man in my neighborhood uses cannabis to help alleviate anxiety. God knows it’s a lot cheaper than weekly therapy.
The cuddle element is also, as we love to say, cute, which is why men tend to respond to the offer positively. It’s not as aggressive as, say, “Wanna come over and #*%@ my #&!%?” While that’s a line that’s both standard and effective on Grindr, it doesn’t translate well to other apps or real life encounters where normal rules of social decorum are demanded.
While cuddling sounds innocuous enough – and it is – everyone knows that cuddling can naturally lead to arousal, making out, and something a little more PG-13 (or NC-17, depending on how you get your freak on).
In fact, I’d go as far to say that this pickup line has got me laid close to 100 times. Sometimes, when the chemistry isn’t there, we just smoke, cuddle, and nap, which, usually, I need more than sex, anyway. As a queer man in NYC, sex is easy to come by, but a good nap? Not so much.
Still, there is a certain finesse necessary to successfully crush this first “date.” For one, you have to be okay with the idea of only smoking and cuddling. (Really, why wouldn’t you be?) Sex, then, is just gravy.
Two, you need to be a fabulous cuddler. If you're big spoon, you better know how to wrap your arms around his waist without your limbs going numb, and if you're little spoon, you better have mastered the art of squishing your booty into him, where it’s like two puzzle pieces coming together as one.
Now, here is what I do. Of course, my patented method might not work for you, and you may need to adapt to your own strengths, but this, boys, is how it’s done:
Before he comes over, have aromatic, mood-setting candles lit. For one, napping by candlelight is the most comforting thing in the world. But two, it masks the smell and smoke of marijuana.
Next, wear something comfy. I usually open the door in sweatpants and slippers. This lets the boys know that this whole napping thing isn’t a joke. I take it very seriously. If you though you were coming over just for sex, you’ll have been mistaken about where things are going. At some point during this afternoon, we will both sleep in each other’s arms.
Last thing you need to do prior to his arrival is pack that bowl, prep that vape, roll that joint, or prepare whatever your preferred method of ingesting cannabis is.
Smoking right as he walks in is a great ice-breaker – especially when this is the first time you’ve met up IRL, and you’ve only exchanged a hundred words (and a handful of nudes) prior to linking. It sets the “chill” tone for what’s ahead. It also puts to rest any reservations you may have had beforehand. Because no matter how many times you’ve invited someone over from Grindr, there’s always last minute jitters: I am letting this random stranger into my home to hook up. WTF if he’s a creep, catfish, or serial killer?
In essence, we’re doing what our parents have warned us against since early childhood — namely, inviting over a stranger in order to be intimate. It's kind of crazy when you think about it. That’s why smoking is helpful for both you, and for him.
Weed becomes a great unifier in these situations, allowing for organic conversation to take place. Where do you usually get from? How much do you smoke? Do you vape? Do you use CBD too, and so on. You get to chat a little before immediately hopping into bed together and starting that cuddle sesh.
Then, as we all know, marijuana is an aphrodisiac. It has the capacity to increase sexual stamina and make orgasms more intense. I, personally, also experience a heightened libido, and I’m sure I’m not alone.
When someone I think is cute starts snuggling up to me when I’m high and in sweats, I’m going to be horny AF. And if he’s doing that, odds are he’s looking to get a little sumthin’ sumthin’ too. The progression to making out is then natural. After getting up close and cozy, you start kissing on his neck if you’re the big spoon, or you turn around to face him as the baby spoon. The rest, as they say, is herstory.
The best part is that after you hookup, it won’t be like a regular Grindr encounter, where the trick feels obligated to book it out of your apartment ASAP. You can nap nude while cuddling, and it’ll be super easy to fall asleep because you just smoked, had sex, and came.
Really, what better way is there to hang with someone?