Clint Eastwood - who turns 87 today - is famous for playing Dirty Harry, the Man with No Name and other characters with steely eyes that are as cold as the barrel of a gun. So it's no surprise that many public-service-announcement producers asked Clint to lend his gruff persona to TV ads.
Here are the best of Clint Eastwood's hilariously menacing PSA's.
1. Crack Is Cute?
Clint Eastwood starred in one of the earliest 'Just Say No' campaigns launched by First Lady Nancy Reagan in the 1980s. The spot begins with Eastwood sitting in the shadows, holding something in his hand. "See this cute little vial here? It's crack - rock cocaine, the most addictive form."
Wait, wait, wait. Cute little vial? That's a bit much. I mean, we're not trying to body-shame the vial or anything, but we've seen cuter. Like this stocky little guy and his pointy partner.
Anyway, after lusting after the drugs, Eastwood looked into the camera and offered a pro-tip on ruining your life. "If you're gonna die for something, this sure as hell ain't it."
So what should they throw their lives away on, Clint? You can't leave us hanging like that. Put together a top 5 at least. Even if all five hits are transcendental meditation - one of Eastwood's favorite pastimes.
2. Be Stupid, Not Ignorant
In his second spot for the 'Just Say No' campaign, Eastwood sat next to First Lady Reagan, who played good cop to Clint's bad cop. After Reagan pleaded with viewers to choose life over drugs, the camera panned to Eastwood, whose message kind of undercut Nancy's compassionate approach.
"If you go ahead and try 'em, at least it won't be out of ignorance - just stupidity," he growled.
In other words, if you do drugs, it's your own fault, not mine. I tried to warn you. Have a nice death. And get off my lawn.
3. Don't Be A Clown
If there's one thing Clint Eastwood hated more in the 80s than crack cocaine, it was people disrespecting mother Earth.
"It seems some misguided individuals out there are abusing our public lands," Eastwood snarled at the beginning of a 1987 PSA for the conservation group Take Pride in America. "They're vandalizing our public parks and playgrounds and they're overrunning our wild areas - nice guys. Some clowns are even stealing artifacts from historic sites," he added.
In 1972, Hollywood face a censorship crisis thanks to Proposition 18 - known as The Obscenity Proposition. But it wasn't nearly as fun as it sounded - unless you got turned on by cutting frames of naked people out of movies and telling nude sculptures to cover up. The proposition would have made it a misdemeanor offence to film nudity or to publicly display artwork featuring any state of "sexual excitement."
So it makes sense that Eastwood and other members of the film industry would oppose the proposition. But Clint's PSA went a little off the rails at the end of his pitch, when he looked at the camera and said, "Vote 'no' on thought control and censorship."
In other words, make my day, Big Brother.
5. Don't Give A Fuck About Gay Marriage
Alright, this one isn't actually a PSA. But we didn't want to poke fun at Clint without mentioning one of the best remarks he made in support of civil rights. During a 2011 interview with GQ, Eastwood - a longtime Republican - surprised us all with his supportive stance on same-sex marriage. But while his view of the issue was surprising, his tone was vintage Eastwood.
“These people who are making a big deal about gay marriage,” Eastwood said. “I don’t give a fuck about who wants to get married to anybody else! Why not?! We’re making a big deal out of things we shouldn’t be making a deal out of...Just give everybody the chance to have the life they want.”