There’s no shortage of analysis of the longtime rivalry between New York and Los Angeles and the people who live in each. But when the cameras aren’t rolling, how do they really feel about one another? In this exclusive, intimate conversation, we see that there’s more to the relationship than we first thought.

NEW YORK: You up?

LOS ANGELES: Yes. It’s three hours earlier here remember.

Oh right. I always forget that since I never sleep.

Are you drunk?

Most of the time yes.
I’m just texting to say I don’t think we are that much different, you and I.

Oh really? How’s that?

We just have a lot in common. Think about all of the diverse people who have lived in us both and who love us both. And all our creative centers, and our titans of industry, and our amazing entertainment venues, and our crazy homeless people.

Yes that’s true. But we have differences too.

Yes of course. All cities do.

I have Hollywood and better beaches.

I have Broadway and better public transportation.

You have insane rent and snow!

You have insane traffic and smog!

We don’t need to do this again. We do this every weekend.

Yes you’re right, and that’s why I’m texting you!

Oh yeah why are you texting me, exactly?

Sorry, just got into a fight with my cab driver about the best pizza in the city.

That’s alright, I’m in an uber right now and he won’t shut up about his “vegan photography.”

Anyway, sorry I brought up pizza, I know that’s a sore subject for you.

Don’t start this again. One word. Two syllables.
Ta-cos.

LOL touché. Listen, I may be drunk and on more than a few drugs but I’m still going to say what I texted to say.

So you’ve mentioned.

This isn’t about our differences. This isn’t about who has a better time going out on a Saturday night or who has the better street meat or who throws the best warehouse parties. It’s about our similarities and that people we both need to realize that we have more in common than we have with maybe any other city on earth.

That could be true.

It is true. What I’m saying here is that…

Yes?

I love LA

Aww that’s nice of you to say.

And what do you feel about New York?

Don’t do this.

I just want to see you say it.

I’m not going to.

Yes. I’m not going to stop texting until you do.
Say it.
Say it.
Say it.
You know you want to.

Fine. Just give me a second.

I’m waiting.

Wait a little longer. My roommate just threw up on my yoga mats. He’s on a pinecone cleanse.

I have nine roommates. It happens.

Okay I’m back.

And you’re ready to say it?


Yes.

Okay I’m ready too.

Here goes.

Waiting with bated breath.

I <3 NY

Yesssssss.

That took a lot out of me.

We should put that on a t-shirt.

We could make some money finally.

Thank you!
Okay I gotta go. There’s an underground maraca band show I need to get to. You haven’t heard of them.

Yeah I need to go too. I’ve got an audition at 11am that I need to pretend to prepare for.

It was good talking to you. Come by for a visit, if you feel like seeing the most beautiful women in the world.

If I wanted to do that I would just stay here.

Okay going for real. I get terrible service on the red line.

Say hello to Lena Dunham for me.

Will do. Goodnight L.A.

Good night New York.