If you’re looking for love and you like to get high, a weed dating app maybe the way to go. But that really depends on you and how important is to you that your partner is down to vape and chill. We've already looked at a few of the most popular apps. Next up, part two, a conversation with single millennials about whether or not they’d ever use a weed dating app.
Every election cycle proves that attitudes about marijuana are rapidly shifting across the country. What do these changing values mean for dating? Are weed dating apps necessary? Are they a good way to meet new people to get naked with and to possibly find love? To answer these questions we asked a few millennials whether or not they’d want to use a weed dating app to meet a fellow stoner - or if they’d more likely stick to Tinder and try their luck.
Do you use dating apps?
Alice, 30, lawyer: I am not currently using any, but I have used Bumble, Tinder, and Hinge. I have only casually dated using dating apps, I have not had a serious relationship with anyone that I've met using an app.
Caitlin, 30, artist: I’ve only used Tinder. And every time Tinder asks me to rate this app, I give it one star. (laughs)
H. Alan, 34, writer-comedian: I use Tinder, Grinder, OKCupid. Those are my three. And I’ve tried HowAboutWe. And there’s that exclusive one for like celebrities. What is that one called? Raya? I was on Raya but it turned out to be a shit show. I don’t do well with people talking about themselves. I may be too Midwestern for that. If someone responds to the question “how are you” and they talk about work, I’m immediately turned off.
Crissy, 26, writer: I used Bumble and Tinder. I tried to get on Raya but I got denied. (laughs) I honestly think the app I’ve used the most as a dating app is Twitter. I met my boyfriend off of Twitter.
Have you ever heard of weed-specific dating apps like StonerSingles, HighThere, 420 Mates, or 420Singles?
Crissy: I’ve definitely heard of the 420 ones. I haven’t used them but I’ve heard of them.
Caitlin: (laughs) No. I’ve never heard of those.
H. Alan: When you first asked me about this I started thinking about where I heard about weed-specific dating apps and it was on The Wendy Williams show, which I watch. Daily. (laughs) When she talked about them, she said, “You have to join a lot of communities to find that special someone. And you have to find someone who’s into doing what you do. Get it. Like, how you doing?” I like her attitude.
Would you ever trust a weed dating app to meet a person you’d want to spend time with?
Caitilin: Um, no.
H. Alan: I trust all the dating apps. Really, when it comes down to it. What all of the dating apps have in common, regardless if they’re about weed or not, they’re all about the person on the other end. There’s not different kinds of people using different apps. You know what I mean? Fundamentally, they’re all kind of the same thing.
Crissy: I think I wouldn’t ever choose it over all the others. I feel like being weed-specific is really jokey. And I wouldn’t be able to take it seriously. So I don’t think I would ever be able to find anything serious on it. But I do think I would try it under the guise, “Oh, I’m trying this ironically.” Because I did do that at first with Tinder and Bumble. It was more like a game between me and my friends. Like, to have our phones out. That was definitely a front for me to go out with my friends, and then go home by myself and seriously look for someone to date. I feel like that’s what I would end up doing if I downloaded one of those weed dating apps. It’d be like me and my friends being like, “Oh, look at these stoners.” And then later me going home and be like, “Whoa, some of these stoners are hot.”
How do you talk about pot with a new partner?
Alice: I don't know that I do. Perhaps because I haven't seriously dated anyone from a dating app it hasn't ever come up. Most of the people I have dated long term knew I smoked before we started dating. I don't really consider smoking pot to be a lifestyle, it's just something that I happen to do. I have never felt the need to talk about smoking with a new/potential partner.
H. Alan: Usually it comes up. Because of my unique situation, when I mention that I’ve had cancer, people are like, “Oh, do you have a weed prescription?” (laughs) That’s like people’s first association with cancer: weed. Which is interesting. So that’s usually how it starts to come up. I feel like it’s second nature among my generation to casually be like, “Yeah, so you smoke?” And everyone knows that question is not about cigarettes. It’s not big on my list of things to ask. But like the questions I ask on a first date are like, “Do you still talk to your mother?” Because if you’ve broken up with your family there’s something going on with you that I don’t need to know about. And I don’t want a part of. Also, I ask if you can drive. That’s a big one. (laughs) Things like that. I’m not too concerned with pot smoking.
Crissy: Yeah, not a lot of people on Tinder are like “420-friendly.” (laughs) Because that would shout you out as a serious stoner. I feel like on your first date you’re like, “Oh, do you smoke?” And that’s usually the conversation. I do feel like there are people who have stoner personalities but I think that’s fading out a little bit more. Now it’s just like something you do as opposed to like “I love weed” is your identity. I feel like now that’s just a first date conversation. “Do you smoke?” And they’re like “Do you mean cigarettes?” And you’re like, “No, weed.” And they’re like, “Yeah, sometimes.” Or they’re like, “Yeah, I smoke everyday for my anxiety.” And, I think it’s a lot different in California. Like, way way different than in states where it’s illegal.
Would you care if a date wanted to smoke/vape on the first date?
Alice: No. As long as we're only talking pot. I really don't like cigarettes and I would not want to kiss a date after they've smoked/vaped tobacco.
Caitlin: I wouldn’t smoke with them. I wouldn’t participate. I’d probably say, whoa.
Crissy: Yes. But it really depends on how they treat it. I had a friend who used to vape while driving and vape at restaurants. At first it was weird to me, because like, she’s fucking openly vaping anywhere, like, while driving through Texas. And I was like, uh, I really don’t want this arrest to go down like this. (laughs) But after getting to know them better I realized that’s what made them able to be in public. And like live her life. So, I feel like there’s a level of comfortability I have to have. Which is probably not going to be there on the first date. But it’s that thing that it depends on how they are as a person. Like, if it’s a really great date, then I don’t feel like anyone should be hung up on hitting the vape. (laughs) But then again, I don’t know. Guess it depends on how high they get.
H. Alan: I wouldn’t care. But I would probably judge. That seems like an audacious thing to do. It feels like a bold thing to do. Like before a date we’re all so concerned about like how we look, and how we come off, at least, I am. First impressions are key. So, if anything, I’m not doing the things I would consider a fault, or a weakness, or a habitual thing. You know what I mean? Like, I’m not getting drunk on a first date. I’m not gonna show up real high. I’m not gonna like show up wearing the same shirt I’ve been wearing for the past three days. (laughs) Shit like that. I’m gonna try to present my best front. And then slowly let them see my weaknesses. I think pot smoking would be considered probably a weakness. Not a weakness in a bad way. It’s like sometimes after I fuck I want pie. It’s that kind of weakness. (laughs)
Does it matter to you that a potential partner smokes/doesn’t smoke?
Crissy: I would care more about people who were all the way sober. If someone was all the way sober, I would be like I don’t know if this is gonna work. It’s such a lifestyle. Like in America, being sober is like “I go to meetings.” Or like, “I don’t go out.” So I guess, not smoking is a factor. Or if you hate it, or have like, feelings about it. Basically, if someone is convicted against smoking, whether it’s personally or have societal-influenced feelings about why it’s bad I would be wary of being with them at all because I have none of those feelings.
Alice: I wouldn't be able to date someone who disapproved of smoking. But I don't care whether they smoke themselves as long as they don't care that I do. Whether a potential partner smokes or not is not a dealbreaker for me. I value a lot of aspects of my personality more, and I identify as a lot of things before I identify as a pot smoker. I don't know that I want to date someone who thinks that being a pot smoker is the most important aspect of their identity or is the fact most indicative of their personality.
H. Alan: No. It doesn’t matter. If they smoke, like, all the time that would probably be a problem. If they treat it like I treat alcohol then I’m not too turned off by it.
Caitlin: Um, no. As long as the smoker is a respectful smoker, like if you’re with someone who needs to smoke in my car, I know from experience that it’s annoying and gross. But my experience was with someone kind of annoying and gross. (laughs)
Ever had a really bad time trying to dating a stoner?
Alice: I've never tried to date another stoner. Most of the people I have casually dated were not smokers. Anyone I have dated long term I knew before we started dating, and we were already aware of each other's pot preferences.
Caitlin: There was one guy who I lived with who was a super stoner. He tried to date me whenever he got really high. He would get so high he thought I was sending love signals to him. He made me a drawing and said we were meant to be together. And I was like, no, too stoned. Like that’s too much weed. Y’know? (laughs)
H. Alan: There was this one guy I dated, for a bit, like a month or so, and he was such a stoner. It got to the point that, me, as a comedian, I’d tell him a joke that I was doing and he would be so stoned that the laughs for the punchline would come like a second too late. Which would just annoy the fuck out of me. I was like, I’m at the punchline, you laugh at the punchline, you piece of shit. (laughs) It’s like just because your brain is working two seconds slower than mine that’s not my fucking fault. Like, get it together, and laugh at the joke.
Crissy: My friend David who I met on Tinder. We started seeing each other, well, we had one regular date, and then we just kinda started hooking up. But in the beginning there were inklings of like if we took this more seriously, this could be more serious. He loves to smoke. This was back when I first moved to California, and I did not. I used to be like I’m not good at smoking weed, I get paranoid, whatever. But then, with him, I started smoking more. One time we were smoking together and we didn’t know each other that well. I think I was really drunk and he was doing coke and I didn’t realize that. So he was smoking weed to come down from coke. He’d done so much coke that when we made out, I pulled back and I was like, “What’s up with your mouth? Did you just do coke?” And he was like, “Yeah. Wait, what? Earlier. Why?” And I was like, “Because I can’t feel my mouth.” There was so much trace cocaine in his mouth that I inadvertently did coke for the first time. Thanks to his mouth. (laughs) We still hooked up for many times after that. But I think after that moment I was like this is a person I can only see from like two a.m. on.
Seems clear: you probably don’t need a weed dating app to meet fellow smokers. But if you are looking to vape with the one you love, and you’re eager to avoid rejection by non-puffers, then a weed dating app may be the perfect filter for you. Good luck!
Zaron Burnett III is a roving correspondent for Civilized and Playboy. He lives in Los Angeles, and is finishing his first novel. (But they all say that.)