I recently ended a long-term relationship. The break-up was mutual. The division of things was easy. Adjustment to new living arrangements was simple. But the one thing we dreaded was breaking up with Facebook and unleashing this notice in our newsfeeds:
How many relationships are held together by not wanting to drop this image in your timeline?
After weathering a torrent of consolations and schadenfreude, singletons must face a siege of friends scouting for rebounds. If only there was a way to avoid this situation.
Oh wait, there is. All I had to do was follow these steps: go to the "About" section of your FB page, click "Family and Relationships," click "edit" and then change who sees the news to "Only Me."
Now that you know how to break up covertly, check out these other tips to optimize your Facebook account.
Tune Out Birthday Notices
This might seem mean, but if you have more than 500 FB friends, you're probably tired of dealing with the endless flood/torrent* of daily bday reminders. To stop the madness, simply click on "Settings," then click "Notifications" on the sidebar, find the "On Facebook" heading, click "edit," and then locate the "Birthdays" subheading and turn it off.
Find Out What Your Favorite Things Have Been Up To
Ever like a page and never hear from it again? You probably didn't click to be notified when they publish something! To feel less shunned by the things you like, make sure to set up notifications when you "like" them, make sure to click the dropdown menu and check "Get Notification."
WARNING: this image contains shameless self-promotion.
Peer-Review Posts You're Tagged In
Sometimes, the only thing worse than a hangover is a DM from your mom asking what was going on in that post your friend tagged you in. To screen your tags, go to "Settings," click "Timeline and Taggings" on the sidebar, click "How can I manage tags people add and tagging suggestions," click "edit" and then enable "Tag Review."
Break the Gif Embargo
For some reason, Facebook doesn't want you adding Gifs to status updates, but you can get around that by following these steps using Giphy.
This might be the most important hack since the world shouldn't be deprived of your viral animations:
"This Is Your Life" Menu
Feel like taking a stroll--or scroll down down memory lane? Check out your Facebook biography by going to your profile and clicking "View Activity Log." You'll see a year-by-year compilation of every interaction you've ever had.
To share your memories, repost the first interaction as your status with the hashtag: #FirstFBmoment.
Set Your Emergency Contact Friends
If you ever got locked out of Facebook, you can regain access easily if you've set your "Trusted Contacts." These friends will be given a temporary security code that will let you back in. SImply click on Settings and then select the "Security" tab in the sidebar. Find the "Trusted Contacts" heading, click "edit" and then hit the "Choose trusted contacts" link. Then click "Choose trusted contacts."
Logout of Your Account Remotely
Ever get home to find the office prankster posted something racy on your profile after you left work without signing out of your account? Instead of kicking back with Netflix, you end up glued to your phone, explaining what happened again and again.
But now, you can shut down hijackers remotely. Click "Settings," then hit the "Security" tab on the sidebar, and then click "Where You're Logged In." You'll see a list of every device on which you're logged in. With a simple click, you can end your activity and ruin the prankster's fun for a change.